(work in progress)

YOU NEVER LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE AS LONG AS YOU LOVE THE ONE YOU LOST

                More than words can say

 A true love story has no ending

 My dearest, dearest Tony - a life and a love lost but never, ever forgotten and eternally loved

My Husband

My Life

This memorial website is dedicated to my husband, Tony Ray Davis. He was born on January 1, 1966 in California and passed away in his sleep on Feb. 5, 2004. His tragic and unexpected death at the age of 38 shocked and saddened all who knew and loved him.

Tony was the love of my life, soul mate and very best friend. He was an incredibly remarkable man and an amazing human being which whom I was truly blessed to have had in my life. We were together almost ten years and married six months. Life always seemed to get in the way of making it legal and official. For us, we were always married in our hearts. I believe our time together was all to brief, although no amount of time except eternity would be enough.

.His unconditional love, acceptance and understanding enriched my life immeasurably. True unconditional love and acceptance is an amazingly freeing feeling. To be loved and accepted for who and what you are without fear of ridicule or rejection is to truly be alive and in love. His strengths were my weakness and his weakness my strengths and we completed each other.

My Tony’s death profoundly devastated me and irreparably changed my life. The day he died I died too, only they forgot to bury me. His passing has left a painful, lonely void that no one or anything can or ever will fill. He was an extremely creative person whose passions, included playing guitar and keyboards. Artistically there was nothing he could not do.

He was the gentlest soul who possessed a genuine and rare ability to accept or understand anyone and everyone. Privileged or poor, sick or homeless he sincerely cared for everyone regardless of their situation in life and never judged anyone. Words are incredibly inadequate to describe the man my husband was. He was a humble, quiet man always willing to give of himself never wanting or expecting anything in return.

Life is challenging enough, but life without my Tony is unbearable. I struggle daily to continue on existing. A profoundly wise and dear person, to my husband and I has been a limitless source of compassion and understanding without whom I would not be here today. This precious individual, our third muskateer provides me strength and encouragement to endure this horrible, unrelenting process of grief. I will never be okay with his passing and I have accepted it really is okay, not to be okay. Everyday I try hard to stop torturing myself with the what ifs, but the truth is I don't even think it is possible. Intellectually I know with the knowledge I had at the time of his passing there wasn't anything I could have done. Yet my heart will always feel I let him down. Ironically or somewhat cruelly if the information had been available then, I know without a doubt my Tony would be alive today. That is why I have to believe his death was not simply about him or me. There has to be a greater meaning to the senseless death of this remarkable man who I was priviledged to call my husband and honored to be his wife.

Everything has changed in my life and many events which should have been joyous for us are now always bittersweet. He has been gone for so many milestones of our life. Sadly he was not here to see our three beautiful grandchildren, Aidan Ray who we welcomed into the world on December 23, 2005, Heidi Aisling who we welcomed in on January 12, 2007 and Connor Jude who we welcomed in on August 19, 2008.

He was an incredibly loving husband, daddy, son and friend who will be extremely missed and forever loved and remembered. Tony is the man I adored and I will always cherish our time together and the love we shared. I will always love and miss him until we meet again. Babe the love we shared and the memories we made will burn forever bright in my heart and soul. So until we meet again good night my love, good night.


To you my Angel Tony as the song says, "The Sweetest Thing I've Ever Known Was Loving You" and you loving me.

To the world you were but one, but to me you were the world!!! 

Sometimes I think that my Tony, us and the relationship we shared was all just a dream, far to wonderful to be real.  Looking back I can hardly believe how charmed our life was and what an amazing man, (angel) he was.  However I need only to read my journals and watch our videos to know he was real, our love was real and that we truly unconditionally and completely loved each other. When I begin to doubt the words in my journal or our videos I need only to talk to our third muskateer to be reminded he was a remarkable man and how incredibly blessed I was to have him choose to love me.  Everyday I try hard to focus on all the wonderful times we shared and the beautiful memories he left me with.  His passing still overwhelms me and it hurts so much to accept the heartbreaking, life shattering reality that he is gone.



Sadly my husband has become another statistic. He was lost to the alarmingly increasing death rate of the lethal mix of Methadone and Xanax. The Methadone was prescribed by a doctor in a Pain Management Department for his migranes and backaches. The Xanax and other drugs I remain uncertain to the reasons they were prescribed.  I have discovered that many loved ones have been lost senselessly and tragically to this killer called Methadone.

If you could please take a moment and sign the petition and read the following information listed below I and many others would greatly appreciate it.


Methadone Death Information  http://www.phpbbplanet.com/methadonedeath/index.php?mforum=methadonedeath

Petition to Stop Methadone Deaths 
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/472711451

HARMD (Helping America Reduce Methadone Deaths)
http://www.harmd.org/

If I could have a lifetime wish

A wish that would come true

I pray to God with all my heart

For yesterday and you

A thousand words can't

bring you back

I know because I've tried

And neither will a million tears

I know because I cried

You left behind my broken heart

And happy memories too

I never wanted memories

I only wanted you!

February 5, 2008 - 4 year anniversary


"And God shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and their shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  And there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Rev. 21:4



If Roses Grow in Heaven

If roses grow in Heaven Lord,
Please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my husband's arms,
And tell him they're from me.
Tell him that I love and miss him
And when he turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon his check
and hold him for awhile.
Because remembering him is easy
I do it everyday.
But there is an ache
within my heart
That will never go away.

"And God Said"

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, "I know."

I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."

I said "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
AND GOD SAID, "Mine is on My right and yours will be in the Light."

I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, "I know."

He's Gone 

I can shed tears that he has gone
or I can smile because he has lived. 
I can close my eyes and pray that he'll come back
or I can open my eyes and see what he's left. 
My heart can be empty because I can't see him
or it can be full of the loved we shared. 
I can turn my back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or I can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. 
I can remember him and that he's gone
or I can cherish his memory and let it live on. 
I can cry and close my mind, be empty and turn my back
or I can do what he would want;
SMILE, OPEN MY EYES, LOVE AND GO ON. 

FOREVER LOVED, MISSED AND REMEMBERED

           In Precious Memory Of My beloved Husband              

"Softly the leaves of memories fall
Gently we gather and cherish them all.
Unseen, unheard, you are always near,
So missed so loved so very dear."

"A ray of sunshine came and went
a beautiful treasure only lent
a prayer, a tear, a memory dear
each day of my life I'll wish you were here" 


Love You Babe! ღ * ♥ * ღ

Honey every minute of every day was our moment

Missed in the morning of everyday,
Missed in the evening as light fades away.
Missed for a million and one little things,
Around every corner your memory clings.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY LOVE

♥ ღ A Very Special Angel ღ That Is What You'll Always Be ღ Forever Loved ღ Forever Missed ღ For All Eternity ♥ ღ

Happy Easter My Love






When my thoughts go back as they often do,
I cherish all the memories that I have of you.
And when old times, I always do recall,
That is when my love I miss you most of all.

With all my love always and forever.  Sadly, sadly missed but never forgotten!  Eternally your loving wife



Tony, your memories are not framed in gold for all the world to see,
They're safely locked within my heart where you will always be.




My Tony, your life was one of kindly deeds,
A helping hands for others needs.
Sincere and true in heart and mind,
Such beautiful memories you've left behind.

 My love I learned so many things with you and from you that I can hardly bare to live without you.  Yet I always hope for the tomorrow when we will be together once again.

My love I miss you so.  I am lost without you in my world.  I could never have imagined a life without you and now I'm forced to live it.  Words are so inadequate and could never convey my depth of sorrow over losing you.  Words could also never convey the depth of my love for you then, now and forever.  I will always hold you within my heart and soul.  Time, distance, nor death can or ever will diminish my love for you.  Days, weeks and now years have gone by but I will never stop loving you.  You were everything to me and no amount of time has lessen the pain of your passing.  Loving and missing you so.  With all my love always and forever.   xxxooo

My love, my memories of you, us and our life together will never dim or fade.  How could they?  You were my everything and more, so much more.  Memories are always bittersweet.  They allow me to recall the  love, joy and happiness we shared together and  at the same time hurt so much.  It is memories that constantly remind me of what once was and what will never be.  How I miss your loving comforting embrace, your laughter and those eyes, those twinkling blue, blue eyes that I could always get lost in.  I sometimes wish that somehow the pain would dim or fade but then I realize it never can or will.  The depth of my sorrow is what it is because of the depth of our love was what it was and will always be.  With all my love babe always and forever.  Until I see you again.   Forever on my mind and in my heart xxxooo.

 I Will Grieve

I grieve for all the tomorrows
That will never be.
I grieve because God chose
To take you back from me.

You live among the Angels now
Your earthly mission done
You will be so dearly missed
Good-Bye my dearest one.

R.I.P. until we meet again.

Babe sending my love and blowing you kisses.

 For Good- From the musical Wicked

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

   Babe All I'll ever want for Christmas and each and every day is YOU!

Merry Christmas My Love

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - MISSING & LOVING YOU SO MUCH